fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
