Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
