So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
