im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so let's talk penis.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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