i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
