Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
