Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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