My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
