Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize