I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Let's get the cat blown out
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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