i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
