The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize