Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
