I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
