I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
