Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
