I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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