I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
