dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
