I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
