somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish I only lived at night.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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