then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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