Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize