His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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