So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize