watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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