And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
