I wish I could teleport
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize