i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
