textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
