So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize