Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
