I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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