Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
