If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
