I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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