Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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