IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
