I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
