I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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