It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
