why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
