you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
