So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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