Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
