drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
