did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
