how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
