And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
