Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
