People in love make me want to vomit
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
