Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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