Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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