She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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