I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
