your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
