dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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