Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
