Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
