I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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