Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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