I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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