Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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