youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
