would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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