girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
