I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
