he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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