I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
